Ash's Entanglement

New Moon & Christmas...Does It Get Any Better??

2009-12-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Just a little something to make your Christmas (and mine too!) a little better...you can find these at http://twilightguide.com/tg/twilight-graphics/christmas/ :)

New Moon and Twilight Pictures

New Moon and Twilight Pictures

The Perfect Ending To An Unwritten Story...

2009-12-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

He stands there with those daring eyes, looking at me.

He playfully laughs because i smiled and that is amusing to him.

I often wonder how a smile like mine can be that funny, but it is.

To him, i am perfect but flawed at the same time.

He tells me how i am suppose to smile and i giggle again.

"No one is suppose to smile a certain way," i say.

Of course he doesn't believe that, i can see it in the way he rolls his eyes..

He believes he is always right and with a grin like that, he's entitled to be sometimes.

Still i find that flaw funny as well.

I don't tell him that because i like to keep some secrets to myself.

I just love him in a way that isn't so obvious to see on the surface.

He knows how to make me see the clouds as animals, to dream

and how to just lay back and believe.

I couldn't ask for anyone stronger nor sweeter.

He is the rock that keeps me grounded and the wings to help me fly.

For that i am eternally grateful.

So i let him take my hand again and we run off freely into the world.

I watch him laughing and i love it, i love him.

And even if i can't laugh right, i know he loves me too.

Does happily ever after exist?

So many years ago i would've said no without thinking.

Today, with him, i say yes again and again.

And because of him, i'll believe it day in and day out for the rest of my life.

2009-12-22T21:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is very hard for parents. I really feel bad for them. Money is tight, jobs are tight, basically everything around is uptight! It's even worse this year as not a lot of people are working steady jobs and with the economy the way it is, forgetaboutit. All parents want for their children at Christmas is to be happy and to find the perfect gifts. Every year moms and dads set out into the snow and fight the holiday rush. Some start early to strech their budgets and hold off the mortgage bills only to provide Christmas morning full of pure glee for their children. Parents are awesome, the are truly amazing for their sacrifices. More so during Christmas. From then on the set of worrying after Christmas comes. At once they try to pay off credit cards and work overtime to get that mortgage bill paid in time. It's an incredible amount of stress and worry, it's no wonder Scrooges are everywhere. I must think about the movie "Jingle All The Way" starring Arnold Swar..well you know him. He spends all day being hassled, beaten down, vandalised just to see his kid happy on Christmas. I mean if that's not love for your child, i don't know what is! Here is a clip of a parent on Jingle All The Way losing his cool over the stress of shopping at Christmas.

Christmas for parents is stressful and I'd even go as far as to say this is the most stressful time of the year. Nevertheless, as Christmas morning comes around and those bright, shining faces light up with joy at seeing presents under the tree, it is all worth it. So every year Parent's set out into the snow and ice and spend their hard-earned money just to make their kid's eyes light up for five minutes. I'd like to now offer a hardy thanks Mom and Dad and thanks to all those parents out there who make these sacrifices for their children, you rock!

American Idiot Musical?!

2009-12-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

American Idiot: The Musical Trailer. When i first seen this on youtube i practically fell out of my chair...a musical about Green Day's music?! No way! As my response to that was "Way." I always felt like their music was a Rock Opera and in my head i envisioned their latest record "21st Century Breakdown" to be much like that. An intense story with all the qualities of a great musical. So the Berkeley Repertory Theatre is moving their smash hit musical from California to Broadway. So far no dates have been announced but Rolling Stone Magazine has confirmed it's transition: http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/11/10/green-days-american-idiot-musical-heading-to-broadway/

I would also like to include the official release of the single "21 Guns" featuring Green Day and The American Idiot Cast. A special Thank You goes out to the makers of my new, favorite show "Glee" for making musical numbers fun and interesting again! I'm sure the success of both will be huge. This single is now available on iTunes. Go check it out.

I Am The Dreamer..But I'm Also The Enemy.

2009-12-21T23:03:00.000-08:00

Last night i had a dream about being on a scavenger hunt. I was on a sandy, white beach at night and there was a whole crowd of people gathered around. The regular "surfer" gals and dudes were gathered around a bonfire enjoying each other's company. I stared out at these individuals, none of which i recognized, and noticed that everyone was partnered up but me. We were ready to start searching when i looked up to find i was all alone. So i began to walk up and down the beach only leaving my foot prints in the sand. The beach was getting darker and colder but never seemed to end and through it all i never did find what i was looking for. As i woke up this morning i realized that this was no doubt a metaphor for my life. The way i seem to always be searching for something and always coming up short. I am 22. I have no secondary education, no boyfriend, no appliable skills, and talents that are completely useless without discipline, which i severly lack. That leaves me in a very weird position in life. It's like i'm not at the bottom of the barrel but i'm not exactly in the middle either. I'm like a fish fighting to swim into the open sea and every time i try a little, i get snatched up and brought back to the beginning. Some how i just keep swimming...*Sigh*

Regardless, sitting here complaining is a lot easier than getting off this chair and actually doing something about my unhappiness. Although it wouldn't help, as it is 1:13 a.m. and there is nothing going on in this small town that would cause me any amount of happiness. Even i'll be the first to admit, I am at most times comfortable living in a bubble and i secretly i tend to enjoy it. Every now and then though this little, irritating feeling of wanting something more out of life creeps up in my head. Dreams, hopes, feelings, big cities come back around and wake me from my zombie like state. I see them but no matter how much i stretch out my hand, i lose. I never seem to get anything that i want. Without a job and without anyone to talk to I've lost my struggle and my fight and subsided to a mediocre life. I used to say what i meant to people and i was feisty and restless and even happier to work at seeing my dreams come true. Now, it just seems like i've learned how to "get by" and to slink through life almost completely unnoticed. Lately i've noticed that i can walk into any room full of people and have no one look up or even acknowledge my existence. This can be good and bad for me. I need space from everyone and most of the times i clam up when talking one-on-one, i just can't seem to get words out of my mouth. From there on i'm worrying about what i should say or do and the whole conversing with others is a stretch for me. My voice isn't the loudest either, in fact, i'm so collected and quiet that most people can't hear me anyway. At this time, whether it be family or just aquantances no one wants to know how i am or even say hi most times. In the rare cases when they do actually ask i am quick to give a standard answer "Good" or "I'm fine" but most times i'm not. But i don't want to talk to anyone about it, ever. Sharing feelings to me is seen as a weakness and i try to never let a bad answer or a flicker in my mood say any different. Yet, here i am telling you now. Weird, isn't it? It's my own way of putting aside my insecurities and I know it's my own fault. Most times i am thankful no one says anything. It's mainly the reason i started writing when i was 13, i had no one else to talk to because of my inability to say anything about how i felt. Today i just wish i wasn't so transparent and someone, anyone, would take notice and that i would be able to explain everything the way i feel it. I'm good and bad, tough but weak, happy and sad, i am polar opposites fighting in the same body. I swear i am truly a masochist. Just like the Green Day song that says "Do You Know You're Enemy?" I do and I honestly believe I am my own worst enemy.